I feel bad for Ryan and Emmalee. As Halloween approached, we had plans to carve
the pumpkins, make caramel apples and pumpkin whoopie pies. We'd work on a few Fall crafts and spend time with friends on Halloween night. And what made it even better was the secret happiness that there'd be a little one to join us next Halloween...a little four-month-old for Ryan and Em to teach the joys of Halloween to.
~~
Thursday morning, I woke up with pains that were not normal to pregnancy. I called the doctor and went in for an ultrasound. Turns out that the baby was healthy...had a perfect heart beat. However, it implanted in my filopian tube rather than the uterus. I've read enough after having two miscarriages to know that nothing could be done to save the baby.
That evening, we went to the hospital for surgery to remove the baby. I can't tell you how hard that was to sit there and know that there was a baby growing, with a heartbeat, and it couldn't live. If we left it, the tube would rupture (soon!). It would die anyway and I'd have internal bleeding. There wasn't even a choice...
~~
When they got inside, they discovered that the baby was big enough that just removing it from the tube wasn't an option. They'd have to take the tube also. When I woke up, the baby was gone, as was one of the pathways for future children.
~~
The human body is an amazing thing. One day, I have all of the symptoms of pregnancy...not all of them pleasant. The next day, it's all gone! The body is on it's way to recovery, back to it's non-pregnant state. The mind, though...not so easy.
~~
So, the kids missed out on a few Halloween activities. Bob took them to the Halloween party and trick-or-treating, while I sat home a bit misty-eyed. But I wasn't sad because of the baby...I was sad because I was away from my other babies and my husband on a night that we'd always been together on. You see, I'd lost the baby, but I have so much! A wonderful husband that loves me, cares for me, and is a great father for my children. One that can take one look at my face and know what I'm feeling. I have a wonderful eight-year-old son who comes to me every half hour now to see if I need anything. Who gives me hugs and tells me he loves me. (and that he'd still like another sibling!) And a sweet little girl who can't understand why I didn't dance with her this afternoon, but knew when I needed a hug. And friends and family that love me and care for me and show it. So, yes, we missed out on a few things this weekend...some of them short-term and some of them life-long. But we still have the important things.
~~
And I'm thankful.